Parkoooooour
by ravioli-nucleoli
Summary: Eren just wanted to beat the shit out of the Titans, the rival school of Rose High. But he would have to wait in line. A parkour group called the "Recon Corps" has been nursing a vendetta, and shit's about to hit the fan. [High School AU where no one dies.] [ErenRivaille] [Other pairings too, idk yet] [Theres parkour] [& home invasions] [but mostly parkour]
1. The thingy that's before the story

**A/n down at the bottom**

* * *

"I will destroy the Titans!" Fresh-out-of-middle-school Eren shouted to the sky.

"E-Eren! They'll hear us!" Armin nervously glanced around the rooftop they were sitting on.

"I hope they do! Then they'll know I'm coming for them! And they will tremble in _fear_."

"But we don't even have Mikasa with us! Think rationally, Eren! They will crush us!" Armin hated the words coming out of his mouth, but he knew they were true.

Eren looked at Armin with a glare that could curdle milk. "I can never forgive them for what they did to Mother."

Armin hastily reminded himself that Eren wasn't mad at him. "I-I know what they did to Mrs. Jaeger, but-"

"I WILL KILL THE TITANS!" Eren screamed at the top of his lungs.

"S-stop! They'll-"

"I WILL RIP THEM APART LIMB BY LIMB AND DISSECT THEM WITH A BUTTER KNIFE!"

"G-gross-"

"AND THEN I WILL ARRANGE THEIR BODY PARTS IN A WORK OF ART!"

"Oh my God Eren, this isn't Psycho-Pass! Shu-"

"AND THEN I WILL-"

A dark shadow jumped from a nearby building, vaulted over the fence and landed on Eren's chest. Eren screamed like the little girl he was when he slammed to the ground. Armin was already half-way to the door before he remembered his friend was in danger.

"So you're the shitty brat making all this noise."

The teenager standing on Eren was not a Titan, that much was clear. He was too short, and wasn't wearing a letterman jacket. Wings had been printed onto the back of his jacket, obviously a symbol that Armin didn't recognize. A short flick blade was held almost casually in the teenager's hand, and Armin's stomach dropped.

_'C-can I save Eren? That guy looks really strong! B-but I have to!" _

Eren struggled to sit up, but the asshole on his chest just put a foot on Eren's forehead and held him down. Curses spilled from Eren's mouth like Niagara Falls. The teenager just looked at him with a painfully bored look.

"If you don't want to die, I suggest you shut the hell up," he said in a dull voice.

Eren, seething in anger, told him where to go and what to do once he got there.

"A mouth like that will get you-"

Armin roared as he swung the metal pipe at the attacker. He gave all of his power into this one swing, the swing that will save them both, the swing that will decide their fates-

The teenager side stepped out of the way. Armin tripped over Eren's body and toppled over him, hitting himself on the head with the pipe. The teenager stood of both of their bodies.

"Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, a mouth like that will get you disemboweled in a sewer one day. And I might just be the one to kill you, if you don't shut the fuck up."

Armin made a noise that was between a cry and a squeak. Eren couldn't make a noise because Armin's knee was_ down there_.

"Yo, Rivaille, leave those poor kids alone. We have trouble," someone called, too far away for Eren and Armin to see.

Rivaille stepped off his mountain of teen angst.

"Y-yeah! You better ru-" Armin slapped his hand over Eren's mouth.

Rivaille lazily looked over his shoulder. "You say something?"

Armin shook his head. The teenager shrugged, jumped over the fence, and dropped from view. Armin and Eren scrambled to their feet and peered over the fence, just in time to see Rivaille roll to his feet, perfectly fine.

Armin felt his jaw unhinge and fall to the floor.

* * *

**Yo. I'm not all that good at fanfics, but hey I tried. Sorry for it being so short, but this is just the prologue. And it gets better from here on out, I promise. **

**Parkour: It's the art of overcoming obstacles, usually in an urban setting. Because 3D maneuvering doesn't exist in real life, I will use this as a substitute. But don't worry parkour is amazing, you have no idea. **

**I need more ideas for pairings, cuz it won't just be mostly ErenxRivaille. And I also need names for some of the titans. Preferably ironically strong-sounding names. **

**Ciao, don't forget to RnR becuz I don't know what I'm doing hahaha. **


	2. The Chapter that is before Chapter Two

**2 Months Later**

"Eren, get up. We'll be late."

Eren pulled the cover over his head and ignored Mikasa.

"If you don't, I'll be forced to get you ready myself."

Eren's eyes flew open. He leaped out of bed like it was on fire and almost ran into Mikasa.

"N-no that's okay! I'm up!" Eren gulped, remembering the time Mikasa actually went through with her threat.

He ripped off his shirt and was sliding off his pants when he felt Mikasa's gaze on him.

"Uh, I kinda need to get dressed and stuff." Eren's face felt hot.

"Oh, sorry, I will respect your personal boundaries," Mikasa said in her same monotone voice, and then left.

_'God, Mikasa's gotten weird lately.' _Eren remembered when his adopted sister was semi-normal. Armin just said it was a result of growing up and becoming mature, but Eren wasn't sure. He still felt exactly the same as when he was a little kid.

Eren's mother greeted him with a warm smile when he came down for breakfast.

"First day of high school, huh? My baby is growing up so fast!" She had to lean out of her wheel chair to hug Eren.

Eren carefully hugged her back, feeling the thin contours of her shoulders. He was constantly afraid that his mother might one day just break apart. His father didn't share the same worry; when he wasn't inside his lab he was wheeling Mother everywhere.

"Good morning, son. Want to see the basement today?" His father pinned his hopeful eyes on Eren.

Eren was sure his mother felt him stiffen. He let her go and awkwardly faced his father.

"Uh, sorry Father, but I have school so..."

His father's shoulders slumped in disappointment. "I see," he said in a tone that clearly said he didn't.

Eren's father was always talking on and on about the basement. Ever since he could remember, Eren's father had been dangling access to the basement in front of him, until it got to the point where Eren didn't even want to _know _what was going on down there.

Mikasa guessed something that involved chains and whips. Armin said it was a meth lab.

"One day you'll be ready," his father repeated for the thousandth time.

"Uh, maybe." _Maybe never, _Eren silently added.

Mikasa saved him by tapping down the stairs in her shiny new school shoes.

"Does it look alright?" she asked, pulling at her gray skirt.

"Oh, honey! My little girl is growing up!" Eren's mother showered Mikasa in compliments.

_'Why am I a "baby" and Mikasa is a "little girl"?' _Eren thought glumly.

"Yeah, you look alright," he commented on her uniform.

"You look attractive, too." Mikasa motioned to his black pants and white dress shirt.

_'Uh, when did I say she was attractive?' _"I'm glad we only have to wear these uniforms every other day, though." Eren brushed off Mikasa's weird comment.

Eren's mother suddenly shoved a bowl of cereal in his face. "You have to eat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"No thank you, I'm not hungry," Eren lied.

"Me neither," Mikasa also lied.

It was an unspoken agreement that they would eat as little food as possible at home, because both were almost certain something weird was put in the food.

"But-"

"Oh would you look at the time! We'll be late Mikasa, let's hurry!" Eren quickly towed Mikasa out of the house.

He took a deep breath of the polluted morning air. "I feel it. I will encounter Titans today!"

Mikasa looked at Eren sharply. Sometimes, when Eren talks about Titans or his mother, he totally loses it. He becomes this bipolar, angry, self righteous little kid. But the smog must have calming effects, because Eren just smiles at her.

"Wait up, guys!" Armin wheezed as he slowly jogged to catch up to them.

Armin had to lean against Eren to catch his breath, although his house is just down the block. His chest heaved like he had just ran a marathon.

"Geez Armin, you'll have an asthma attack on the first day. Next time just speed walk," Eren reprimanded his friend.

Armin just nodded, his golden bob-cut flashing in the light, and they started walking to their bus stop.

"So, what does your guy's schedule look like?" Armin pulled out his own. "I have Calculus, Advanced World History, Advanced Physics, Advanced Literature and-"

"Armin." Mikasa suddenly whirled around and grabbed his shoulders. "Don't tell anyone, besides us, what your classes are."

Sweat beaded on Armin's forehead as he gazed into Mikasa's dead-serious eyes. "W-why?!"

"I have been doing research on high school, and every source says people with advanced classes are "nerds" and therefore, victimized."

"R-really? What kind of sources?"

"High School Musical One, two and three. Rock and Roll High School. Mean Girls. _All _of them say that "nerds" are bad." Mikasa even shook his shoulders to stress the importance of the situation.

"O-okay. I won't tell anyone, I promise."

Eren had no idea if Mikasa was right, but it didn't matter. "If anyone messes with Armin, I will annihilate-"

"Anyway," Mikasa cut Eren off before he could get started. "Here's Eren's and my schedules." She handed the papers to Armin.

Armin's eyes widened in surprise. "Woah! Your classes are exactly the same! How did that happen?"

"Luck?" Eren offered.

"Yes. Luck. Nothing more, nothing less, and definitely nothing illegal." Mikasa laughed in the most natural tone she could manage, which ended up being a cackle.

"Uh, okay, I guess." Eren thought that Mikasa was acting strange.

Armin gave him a confused look behind Mikasa's back. Eren replied with a shrug.

When they reached their bus stop, they were surprised to find it crowded, with six people pushing for space on a small corner.

"Woah. Do you guys all go to Rose High?" Eren asked.

"Are you an idiot or something? Our uniforms are the same, dumbass," a tall boy with blonde hair sneered, before catching sight of Mikasa.

He did a double take. "But I'll forgive you if you introduce me to your sister. I'm Jean Kirschstein."

And Mikasa's only reply was, "I'm not his sister." And she held Eren's hand.

Eren never understood why Mikasa adamantly refused to be his sister, but he tried not to take it personally. He guessed that Mikasa was threatened by "Jean" and was holding his hand for comfort. Eren brought Mikasa into a protective hug and glared at Jean over her head.

Jean's mouth fell open, and a short boy with a shaved head laughed at him. A blond girl smacked shorty on the head before introducing herself.

"I am Histori- I mean Christa Renz. This is Connie, Sasha, Marco and Reiner. We all were supposed to go to Maria High, but someone set off a bomb that blew a giant hole into the wall. So now we're here."

"I heard about that! Apparently it was a Titan wearing a red meat suit, but no one ever caught him," Armin smiled a bit at the image. "Oh, by the way I'm Armin and this is Eren and Mikasa."

Sasha tilted her head to the side. "I didn't know about the red meat suit part. And nice to meet you. Want a potato?"

Armin politely declined. "N-no thanks."

Eren burst into the conversation. "A Titan blew up your school? Why didn't anyone tell me? Will you help me fight-"

The loud bus engine cut off Eren's to-be revolution. Everyone stared as the driver opened the doors and-

"Get in," said a familiar bored voice.

* * *

**Okay the beginning is rly bad cuz im just getting the feel for the story. And I'm getting used to the characters, although they may seem a bit ooc for the sake of humor. And I'm working on show/tell, which i suck royally at. **

**Also, forgot to mention I have a tumblr. Ravioli-nucleoli is my url, same as this one. **

**Don't forget to Review and stuff, I really need feed-back.**

**Ciao. **


	3. The Chapter that was

**Okay the A/N at the top. Here I will be putting information about parkour up here so you guys can understand. Of course, you could always google it, but the chances of that happening are between 0 and -1. Here we go:**

**(Definition from Wikipedia: ****Parkour (Par + core, not park+or)** (abbreviated **PK**) is a holistic training discipline using movement that developed out of military obstacle course training. Practitioners aim to move quickly and efficiently through their environment using only their bodies and their surroundings to propel themselves, negotiating obstacles in between.)

**A person who practices parkour is called a traceur. (I'm guessing it's pronounced tray + sure). A traceur uses no equipment but their own two hands and feet, and in most places there isn't a designated area for parkour, so most traceurs find their own places to practice. It's pretty dangerous, so they have to know their own limits. **

**If you still don't understand just think Assassin's Creed.**

**Okay on to the story.**

* * *

The voice tickled at Eren's memory. He's heard it before, but he can't place where. Or why the voice made him want to punch a wall. Sadly, the bus driver's hat was covering the top of his face.

Armin nudged Mikasa and mouthed, _That's him. _

Mikasa's eyes widened. The boys had told her what happened on the roof two months ago, and she had been shocked.

Now she was just plain angry. _No one humiliates Eren! And Armin too, I guess_.

Armin observed the way Eren's eyebrows crinkled in a slight confusion and sighed with relief. And then he got a look at Mikasa's face and had to take a step back.

To a stranger she would look how she normally does, but Armin has known Mikasa forever. He was able to see the murderous rage that hid in the shadows of her eyes and lurked in her locked jaw.

"Let's go guys," she said in her calm voice before filing into the bus.

Armin's legs were shaking so hard he had to lean against Eren.

"...say, Armin. Do we know the bus driver?" Eren asked.

"N-no."

The other teenager's chat quietly while the bus went on its route. Eren tried several times to peek under the hat, even leaning out into the aisle. The driver only said, "Sit back unless you want to be incapacitated."

Eren frowned and scratched his head.

"Mikasa, do we know the bus driver?" he asked.

Mikasa glanced at Eren from the corner of her eyes.

"No."

"Oh."

Mikasa's eyes had a farway look reflected in their depths. This usually only happened when she was thinking about something.

"Uh, Mikasa, what are you thinking about?" Eren asked.

Mikasa tried to give him a comforting smile. "Nothing." _Easiest way to kill a man__, _Mikasa silently added.

"Oh."

And Eren left it at that, because he really didn't want to know.

Twenty minutes later, the nine freshmen took their first steps into the school. Rose High was a collection of different buildings all clustered closely together. The core classes and office were housed in the main building, while specialty classes like art and music had their own buildings.

"Woah, so big..." Armin's mouth fell open as he took in the campus.

Connie slapped the back of Armin's head. "Geez, try not to look like such a freshman, loser."

"Oh, sorry." Armin winced and rubbed his head.

Jean smacked Connie on the arm. "Hey, don't bully the kid!"

Connie rubbed his arm and glared at Jean, knowing full well he was just putting on a show for Mikasa.

"So, where do we go?" Eren asked Mikasa, ignoring the drama behind him.

Mikasa took out her schedule. "Homeroom with Keith Shardis, in room one-oh-four."

Everyone paused, including the people on the same bus stop.

"Oh, I have him too," Sasha mumbled through a stuffed mouth.

Jean nodded. "Same."

Eren was amazed to find out that everyone had the same homeroom. He scratched the back of his head.

"Wonder why," Eren thought out loud.

Armin just shrugged, acting as cool as summer breeze. "Probably a coincidence. But I'm happy I get to share a class with you guys."

One the inside, Armin was doing an Irish jig. _'I won't get left behind! I can have a class with my friends! I won't be alone!'_

Eren didn't ask about the maniacal grin that stretched end from end on Armin's face. "Uh, yeah, okay. Let's just get to class before we're late."

Reiner folded his arms across his giant chest and said, "Don't worry. Teachers always go easy on freshman on the first day. And besides, this Keith sounds like a tool."

Keith Shadis was not, in fact, a tool. And he was also not easy on the freshmen. When they arrived to the class .5 seconds late, he pinned them with a glare that could curdle milk.

"What are you damn brats doing? You're late on the very first day! Line up against the wall, maggots!"

Armin stared into his teacher's wide, homicidal eyes and lost hope for a better future. He lined up against the wall along with the rest of his quaking classmates.

Mr. Shadis walked slowly down the line, staring at each student with eyes that peered into their souls.

"You there!" he suddenly pointed at Connie. "Sing the Star-Spangled Banner!"

Sweat raced down Connie's face. "B-but-"

Mr. Shadis was suddenly looming over Connie, like a mountain standing over an ant. He looked down at Connie with condescending eyes. "You're America, aren't you? Sing."

Connie gulped and squeaked out: "O-oh say can you feel-"

Mr. Shadis slammed Connies' head against the wall. "Wrong."

Everyone's jaw fell when Connie crumpled to the ground and didn't get up.

_'Oh my God!" _Armin felt faint.

Mr. Shadis picked person after person, testing them with challenging questions like, "What hour did America win her freedom?" or "How fast is the Earth spinning, in centimeters per thirty minutes." And person after person fell to the ground, until only half were standing up, practically pissing themselves.

Armin had a feeling he wasn't picking people randomly, there was some kind of patter. _'What is it? I have to figure it out before he chooses me! I want to live!'_

Mr. Shadis stared at a young man named Marco and, for just the tiniest second, his eyes flitted down to look at-

_'Marco's shoe laces?'_

Marco's shoe laces were neatly tied, and Mr. Shadis moved on.

_'H-hes judging people based on their shoe laces?' _Armin was aghast. _'That's so stupid!' _

He looked down and saw, with a tidal wave of horror, that one of his shoes were _untied._ Mr. Shadis noticed as well, and quickly came after Armin like a tiger on the hunt. Armin saw his life flash before his eyes.

_'I'm gonna die, I'm really gonna-_

Crunch.

Everyone (conscious) froze at the same time. All of their eyes looked to the same place.

Sasha was stuffing potato chips in her mouth. Her eyes were darting around, probably wondering why everyone was staring.

Mr. Shadis' eyes widened as he slowly walked to Sasha.

"Y-you there! What are you eating?"

Sasha said, with a full mouth, "C-chips." As she spoke, food flew out of her mouth and landed on Mr. Shadis' cheek.

His eyes filled with a shock so powerful it was almost awe.

Almost.

It took a combination of Eren's, Connies' and Armin's strength to drag Sasha's prone body to the infirmary. Because Armin lacked any upper-body strength at all, Sasha's head often hit the ground. Connie told him not to worry, Sasha couldn't get possibly any more messed up in the head.

"I can't decide if she's really brave or really stupid." Connie stared at the saliva foaming around Sasha's mouth.

"Probably both," Armin decided, wiping sweat off of his forehead.

"And we still have half of the campus to go." Eren sighed.

Eren seriously debated the pros and cons of just leaving Sasha somewhere, like in a janitor's closet or in an empty classroom.

_'But I can't because Sasha is a precious comrade who will help divert Shadis' attention away from me.' _

"Let's take a break. Less time we have to spend in that class," Eren sighed as he sat down against the wall.

Connie collapsed next to him and rubbed his head. "That's not a class, it's Military Training. Mr. Shadis is the wrong name, it should be Mr. Sadist."They both laughed.

Armin awkwardly patted Sasha's head as if to say, _'I'm sorry, but not sorry enough to carry you anymore.'_

"Hey you! What are you doing!" someone shouted from down the hall.

They saw a senior striding down the corridor with smile as inviting as a snake about to strike. A bright red armband circled proudly around his arm. Connie's eyes widened as he took in the emblem. He would know that dramatic unicorn anywhere.

"Oh shit, it's the police!" Connie voice faded as he ran away at the speed of sound.

Armin and Eren were painfully slow to act.

"The police?" Eren dumbly asked, scratching his head.

"Uh, Eren, I think he meant that Hall Monitor. But why would he run away? Hall Monitors are good," Armin wondered out loud, stewing in his own naivete.

The Hall Monitor was not good, Armin realized as he suddenly found himself dangling a good foot off the ground.

"You think you can just skip class, eh?!" The Hall Monitor shouted in Armin's face, spit flying.

"W-we're not skipping, we have t-to-"

"I don't want to hear your excuses you-"

Eren round-house kicked the senior where the sun don't shine. Unfortunately, Eren is not Mikasa and he missed. Eren felt a jolt run up his leg when he hit the senior's hip.

The senior looked down at Eren and snarled, "You little shit, I'm going to rip you apart!"

Armin looked at Eren with tears in his eyes. "R-run Eren! There's no use if both of us get hurt!" _'How could you miss, Eren?! Save me!'_

The Hall Monitor reached for Eren with his giant hands. Eren was frozen in place, only able to watch his impending doom, like he was in some kind of tragic show where everyone dies.

But Eren was saved in a one-in-a-million event that could only ever happen in fiction.

A radio on the senior's belt crackled to life. "Brent, we have a problem, over."

Brent froze, and reluctantly drew back. He let go of Armin and Armin fell on his butt because he's weak.

"What is it? I'm kind of in the middle of something, over," Brent spoke into the radio.

And then, loud and clear, it said, "We have Titans behind the art room, over."

* * *

**Okay its here. I had it done on Saturday but my friend told me to wait until Sunday when everyone was freaking out over Rivaille. Oh, and sorry for a lack of him in the chapter, even though he was the bus driver. Being a bus driver is kinda random but when I imagined this fic i saw that Rivaille would just keep popping up in the strangest places. It's all gonna be good fun. **

**And anyway, I still haven't gotten any pairing suggestions, but its k. I will just make up my own and you guys will be shocked. And the more I write the less serious I take this fic. **

**Also, thanks for the ton of favorites/follows/reviews. When I wrote this I imagined around 20 views. Ha ha ha.**

**Okay raviolio out.**

**Ciao. **


	4. Chapter three is okay

**More Parkour facts:**

**Parkour has been around since cave-men, but it wasn't called parkour. Back then, it was basically oh-god-theres-a-sabertooth-tiger-after-me-gotta-ju mp-over-that-ditch. When parkour became parkour, it started in France, by some frenchie named George Herbert. He also added onto some "principals" along with the sport, that include not being a giant douchebag and respecting the community. It wasn't really popular until sometime in the 1980's, and it was pretty much an underground sport. Sounds cool. If you ever hear someone say, "I did parkour before it was cool" punch them in the face for me, unless they're like 50 because then they might actually be telling the truth. **

**Okay onto the story **

* * *

Eren heard the word "Titan" and "school" before his mind was swallowed by a horrible kind of fury. He couldn't feel anything else. Within a second his world narrowed down until it only included his hatred and the fact that the subject of his hatred was nearby.

"I'm going to kill them," Eren said to himself, matter-of-factly.

Armin saw the pupils dilate within Eren's emerald eyes and felt his stomach drop. When an insane smile graced Eren's serene face, Armin felt like running.

The hall monitor felt it too. Something dangerous was practically seeping through Eren's pores. The hall monitor took a step back and gave Eren an evaluating look.

"I'll, uh, be there. Just wait, and uh, don't tell the Recon Corps. This doesn't have to be messy." A nervous sweat appeared on his forehead.

Because Eren didn't know the way, he just followed the hall monitor with a face that would make the Joker proud. Armin tried in vain to reach his friend, to bring back Eren from whatever dark corner his mind was in. But Eren just stared straight ahead.

_'S-should I get Mikasa? But I will have to run all the way to the end of the school, and I might lose Eren!' _Armin gnawed on his fingernails. _'Why am I so pathetic?'_

They walked at an almost casual pace, with their footsteps echoing back to them. Eren grew more excited each second, until he was almost skipping. Armin was babbling about "how this was a bad idea" and "someone might get hurt" and "we're no match for them". But it was like Eren couldn't hear him. They went through door after door before one finally opened into the morning light and the trio stepped into a battle field.

"W-what is this?"Armin gasped.

The narrow space was enclosed by tall wall that had blood spatters painted on them. A hall monitor girl was crouched behind a column, and another one was sprawled on top of a giant air conditioner. And in the middle of it all, stood two behemoths.

They were ripped, steroid ripped, if their unhealthy amounts of muscle were anything to go by. The muscle was packed onto their huge chests like badges of honor. Almost seven feet tall, they towered over the five people valiantly trying to face them. They were terrifying to look at, and by the wicked grins on their ugly faces, they knew it.

Eren was the only person who wasn't scared. But not for long.

"Look at these weaklings squirm!" One of them laughed.

"Squirm!" The other one said, before swinging a metal bat.

The five hall monitors scrambled out of the way, dropping all pretense of bravery.

"They're just too strong," one whimpered, clenching his fist. "There's no way to win."

Eren moved past them like a ghost, walking almost silently until he was standing in front of the Titans. He looked so small compared to them, like David and Goliath.

"I'm going to kill you." Eren's smile was as wide as it could possibly be, before he charged at them.

As Eren's fist flew, he felt the happiest he has ever felt. He was finally getting _payback_, for everything. Eren was going to rip these two thugs apart, but that wouldn't be enough. Eren wouldn't be satisfied until every Titan that has ever existed has been wiped out.

And Eren also thought that he _deserved_ this. He thought he deserved the annihilation of his enemies, and that victory would just be handed to him. And because of this, Eren lost.

Rage does not equal strength. Eren was only able to land a glancing blow on the abdomens before something tore into his stomach.

Eren heard Armin scream, something he noticed with startling clarity, before it hit him.

_Pain. So much pain. It ate at his insides, seized his body, stole his focus. _

Killed his rage.

Eren dropped to the ground.

No one moved, not even the Titan. He had swung on a reflex, and was now delightful that a new toy had been given to him.

"You think you're tough, eh?" one of them spat. "Let's see."

Armin could only watch in a shocked silence as they stomped on Eren, again and again. Each time, a horrible noise of escaped from his throat.

_'I-I have to help him! But why can't I move?!' _Armin was frozen in place. _'Move!'_

When Eren screamed, blood dribbled out of his mouth.

_'Move you fucking coward!' _Armin screamed at himself.

Now Eren made no attempt to resist. He was as limp as a doll.

_'All those times Eren saved you, and now you can't return the favor? Weak! Pathetic!' _Tears dripped down Armin's cheeks.

"Wow, this is pathetic."

The dull voice broke through the callous moment. Through watery eyes, Armin saw three people standing on top of the walls. The wind ruffled their dark-green jackets, and the wings on their back appeared like they were flapping. Two of them wore black scarves covering their faces up to the nose. Armin's eyes widened when he recognized the one without the scarf.

"Rivaille, you want a go?" a girl with strawberry blonde hair asked.

Rivaille didn't say anything, he just pushed off the wall. As he fell, something appeared in his hands. Rivaille landed squarely on the Titan's wide back, knees bent and arms parallel to the ground. He grabbed the Titan's hair with one hand and swung a crowbar at the back of the Titan's neck with the other, in one swift movement that lasted a second. The Titan's eyes rolled back, and he toppled forward. Rivaille jumped off before he hit the ground and turned to face his second opponent.

The other Titan was shocked to see his comrade defeated so easily. His eyes narrowed and he lunged at Rivaille, aiming for the legs.

Rivaille jumped and vaulted over the Titan's body, landing safely behind him.

"Is that all you have?" Rivaille said with a bored voice. "And here I was hoping for a real challenge."

The Titan roared and came after Rivaille again. Rivaille leaped again, this time against a wall, pushing off on one foot and catching the edge with the crowbar. The Titan slammed head-first into the wall just under Rivaille's legs. Rivaille dropped and wrapped his legs around the Titan's neck, throwing the Titan off balance. They both fell to the ground, the Titan writhing within Rivaille's grip.

The blonde girl came up behind them with a rope and tied up the Titan's hands and feet. Rivaille released the Titan's neck and rolled gracefully to his feet. He brushed the dirt off his pants and readjusted his jacket, acting like he didn't just beat up two Titans in thirty seconds.

"Tch. Filthy." He wiped blood from his hands.

"Wow we finally captured two! I can't wait to conduct a few experiments!" A girl with brown hair jumped in excitement. "Human experiments are so much more fun than animals!"

"Wait, Hanji. We have to ask, just to give them a chance." Rivaille crouched down next to the Titan and stared down into his fearful eyes.

"Tell me... where is Irvin?"

* * *

**Woah look at that mood change. This is truly a SnK fanfic. And in case you completely missed this, Titans are real people. **

**Okay all I have to say, ciao!**


	5. Bravery? What is this bravery?

**Running out of things to say about parkour lmao. Well, this story is called Parkooooour because thats what my older bro used to yell as he jumped off of a ten foot wall and landed safely. But then he jumped off of one wall too many and broke his knee, so no more parkour for him. Keep it safe and know your limits. (okay this tidbit actually has something to do with the chapter)**

* * *

Armin could not stop crying.

Every time he thought he was done, Armin saw Eren's sleeping face and drowned in a tidal wave of self-hatred. The same questions bounced around his head, again and again.

_'Why am I so weak?'_

_'Why couldn't I save him?'_

_'Why didn't I even try?' _

Armin knew the answer, deep down inside; he just didn't dare find it.

The nurse came in and said something. Armin didn't hear but he nodded like he understood. She left. The room was silent except for Armin's sniffling and the beeps on the heart monitor. Eren's face was blissfully relaxed, and for once he looked like his age. Fifteen. The age where he was most vulnerable and relied the most on his friends-

_'Who fail him again and again.'_

-and also grew the most, becoming a different person who could eventually-

_'Leave me behind.'_

Armin's greatest fear wasn't death, it was of not being strong enough and getting left behind. And then those ahead of him get hurt because_ he wasn't there_. Armin is afraid that the past will repeat itself, which is now seeming to be inevitable because Eren is becoming a lot like Armin's dad.

Kind. Courageous.

Reckless. Naive.

Armin's dad was such a combination of all three, that he died like all three. Recklessly taking his family on a hunting trip to some mountain. Kindly letting Armin fall behind so Armin could rest. Courageously throwing himself in front of a wild cougar to protect his loved ones. Naively thinking that his sacrifice will save everyone.

It could have, if Armin hadn't been weak. He had seen the cougar before his parents did, but he was so far behind that he couldn't reach them in time. And even then, when he had finally caught up, he couldn't do anything. The cougar took his red muzzle off of the macabre mess that used to be his dad, and looked at Armin coyly. The cougar then pinned down Armin's mother and held his jaw right over the back of her neck, all while looking at him in the eye. Daring Armin to shoot him with the rifle in his hands.

Armin wasn't thinking brave thoughts. He took too long, and the cougar didn't feel like waiting.

"Armin!"

His eyes flew open and he stared into his friend's eyes.

"M-Mikasa?"

Mikasa's dark pools were filled with emotions. Armin blinked, and they were gone.

"Visiting hours are over," she softly explained.

Armin looked at the clock and saw that he had been sleeping for_ three hours_.

"A-ah. Sorry."

* * *

Eren's back still hurt, three days later. And so did his pride. His pride probably hurt worse. The same questions bounced around his head, again and again.

_'Why am I so-'_

"Eren! You get your pussy ass up and help clean! We already went through this with Armin!" Mr. Shadis screamed at him from across the pool.

"Y-yeah." Eren got up from where he was sitting down and picked up a broom.

Connie and Jean not-so-subtly snickered at him. Eren saluted them both with a middle finger.

"If you maggots don't have this pool cleaned by the end of the period, you're going to need new legs!" was Mr. Shadis' farewell as he disappeared back into the school.

The indoor pool was huge, deep, slippery and looked like the bottom of a dumpster.

Eren's hope for a better future went down the drain as he observed the way his classmates immediately begin to slack off. Annie and Ymir immediately went to their own emo corners, where they secreted some pheromone that warned everyone to stay away. Mina and Christa browsed through a magazine, oogling hot teenage guys. Reiner and Bertholdt whispered together suspiciously.

"How long do you think this will take?" he heard Mikasa ask Armin.

Armin glanced around and did the math. "Forever."

Mikasa opened her mouth to say something, but she was almost mowed over by Sasha using sponges tied to her feet as roller skates.

"Look ooooooooout!" Sasha screamed as she slid out of control, trying to regain balance by doing a spin. A spin right into the wall.

She slowly stood up, wobbly on her feet.

"This is like the time where I mysteriously woke up in a closet, three days ago," she muttered.

Connie whistled innocently. Eren and Armin pretended they didn't hear anything.

Jean rubbed his jaw. "Like I thought- I mean hypothesized. Pushing someone on a wet mop creates a centrifugal force, especially if the floor is wet. But I did not calculate the air resistance and-"

Bertholdt patted Jean's back. "Mikasa isn't listening."

Jean felt his face go hot. "A-and? I don't care. I was just making a scientific observation."

Reiner sighed, almost apologetically. "I just don't get the deal with women."

Bertholdt nodded in agreement. "Same."

Jean stared at them. "Careful guys, your homosexuality is showing."

Reiner and Bertholdt blinked, then laughed nervously.

"H-ha! I was just kidding! I love women! I love their sacs of fat and mammary glands!" Reiner pasted a smile on his face.

"Y-yes! I agree! Their butts, especially!" Betholdt rubbed the back of his head.

Connie and Jean shared a look. "O-okay."

Sasha was roused when she felt something drip onto her head. She looked up just in time to get blasted in the face.

"W-why is the pipe on!" she screeched, gaining everyone's attention.

The pipe, used to pour water into the pool, was spitting out water with the strength of a fire hose.

"Who the hell turned it on?!" Jean seethed. "It's not time yet!"

He stomped up the stairs, fuming about "how stupid his classmates" and "no one understands me".

A moment later, he desperately jumped down the stairs, all while screaming a little girl scream.

"T-titans!"

Eren leaped to his feet and was flat-out sprinting in seconds, racing towards his number one enemy. His heart pounded wildly, his eyes widened with glee.

_'This is it,' _Eren thought. _'This is the moment where I actually win!'_

Reiner slammed his elbow into Eren's face. "Not now, idiot. We have to think rationally. There's just three of them, and we might even be able to defeat them if we all work together."

The three titans weren't as big as the two from before. They were bigger. The muscles that bulged from their bodies could be seen trying to push through their Titan High Reform School uniform, and their beady little eyes could just barely be seen underneath their foreheads.

"Heh, we were told just to come in and fuck things up. And we found Titan bait," one of them grinned, revealing shark teeth. "Easy prey."

The one who spoke strode forward, his face twisted in excitement. Someone (probably Armin) screamed. Ymir and Annie were up in a flash, wearing their I'll-fuck-you-up faces that could make a grown man cry. The Titans didn't even flinch.

"Wait," said another Titan, "I have an idea. Keep them from getting up."

Two of the Titans went around the pool and started unraveling the pool cover.

Armin realized immediately what they were doing. "They're going to trap us in with the water!"

Connie stepped back. "They're gonna drown us?!"

Reiner clenched his jaw. "I won't let that happen. If we all charge at once, we can get through. There's just one."

Eren and Mikasa nodded with grim determination. Mina and Christa looked less certain. Connie was about to pee himself.

"We have to do it now!" Reiner barked. "Go!"

Jean and Bertholdt lead the charge, with Connie, Sasha, Mina and Christa behind them. Ymir was right behind Christa, with Annie beside her. Everyone else took the rear.

Jean has never been more terrified in his life, but he couldn't possibly stop running. He knew everyone trusted him more than Reiner, and if he would charge at a titan three times his size, everyone else would too.

With this in mind, Jean should have just closed his eyes. But he didn't. And he looked the Titan right in the eye. The Titan cocked his head lazily, and slowly smiled at Jean. Jean felt his blood run cold. The Titan's eyes were saying, _'I will eat you alive and I will enjoy it.'_

Jean lost his concentration and tripped, just before they reached the steps. Connie slammed into his back, along with Christa and Annie. They blocked the stairs, preventing the rest from getting up.

Bertholdt didn't see Jean fall. He was closing his eyes. Bertholdt also didn't see the Titan's fist until it connected to his stomach.

Everyone's eyes followed Bertholdt as he was knocked ten feet away. Reiner jumped underneath him, and they both tumbled to a stop.

The entire class of 104 was thinking the same thing as the tarp was pulled all the way over.

_'We're going to die.'_

* * *

__**Eww the last section. I can't write actiony stuff very well, only angst. The first part idk about either. Sorry for writing shit, I'll just have to push through this period of horrible writing. **

**My tumblr is ravioli-nucleoli, just like my name on here. Hit me up. **

**Ciao. **


	6. The Chapter Where Everyone Dies

**Not much to tell about parkour thats relevant to this chapter, so i'll tell you a funny story. I actually tried it, once. I got up onto a 10-foot wall and tried to jump. Tried. Because I'm five foot eight, it looked like I was fifteen feet up in the air, and I don't have the balls to jump off the height. My asshole brother pushed me off and I fell on all fours, like a cat. And then my beloved bro fell on top of me. Never did do parkour again. **

* * *

Jean could not begin to describe the emotions he felt when the light disappeared. He realized, that unless he did something, he would have no future. Jean would disappear from the world without so much as a ripple. The teenager named Jean Kirschstein would cease to exist.

Unless he did something. _Now._

"Armin!" he shouted in the darkness, unable to see anything.

"Y-yes!" Came the quivery reply from somewhere to his left.

"Tell me how we get out of this!" Jean had no clue.

"Uh, climb up the steps so you can reach the cover and push it off!"

Everyone else was frozen in a combination of fear/disbelief/shock, and no one volunteered to help him find it in the total darkness. Armin realized the situation right away.

"Keep your right hand on the wall and keep walking, you'll come across it eventually."

Jean nodded, then realized that Armin couldn't see him and felt stupid. "Thanks."

He flailed around in the darkness until his hand brushed the wall. As he walked around, Jean became hyper-aware of the water seeping through his shoes, freezing his toes. The water was rising at an alarming rate, and Jean could hear that multiple pipes were working. The thought that he might drown freaked Jean out.

_'I'm not gonna die from this, am I?' _Jean asked himself. _'Or am I just being naive?'_

Jean discovered the steps, as well as the torrent of water preventing him from crossing. Sputtering out water, Jean reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

From the dim light, he discovered something that chopped his hope into little, tiny pieces. He remembered something Shardis said before:

_"When you fill the pool back up, make sure everyone is out because most of the tubes are inside the steps. The water comes out so fast you weaklings wouldn't stand a chance. Now, Marco come put sunscreen on my back! And avoid the open sores!"_

His demonic teacher was right. Jean couldn't even see the steps, just a flood of water bursting out like a fountain.

Jean's phone light was a pinpoint in the darkness. Everyone saw, everyone understood.

Everyone freaked out.

"Oh my GOD!" Connie screeched like he was on fire. "I'm going to have to get my Nikes wet?!"

Almost everyone understood.

"No, you fucking moron, we're going to die horrible deaths. Close, though." Annie said this all dully and probably dead-faced.

"Mikasa, does this mean I won't get to kill any Titans or avenge my mother?" Eren asked.

"Yes."

"And I'll die a virgin?"

"No," Mikasa answered forcefully, grabbing Eren. "I won't let that happen."

Armin didn't dare point out to Mikasa that she didn't grab Eren. His face was forcefully pushed into something that he suspected was her boobs, so any talking would be really awkward.

"Eren, your hair is so silky," Mikasa whispered into Armin's ear and she touched his head. "It feels really long. Makes me wonder if all of your hair is as fine."

Eren pretended not to hear all of this. He made a strategic retreat, bumping into people holding each other. He turned a deaf ear to the sounds Reiner and Bertholdt made, and worked his way to Jean.

"I refuse to accept that I will die without destroying at least four Titans and without going to Disney Land at least once!" Eren proclaimed.

"Dumbass, it doesn't matter if you accept it or not. The water will still look like a fucking wall of death and despair. The school will still be too stupid to add ladders, like they've never played Sims or something. And Mikasa will never accept my love, even though I've only know her for four days. The world is a cruel place and-"

"Did you say 'Wall'?" Eren cut in.

"Is that the only thing you heard?"

And idea was forming in Eren's mind. He had a vague memory of something happening that included a wall, a Titan, and some dude with wings. And this situation had a wall (of water), Titans, so all he needed was-

"Wings!" Eren gasped.

"Mmm... wings..." Sasha hummed.

"Jean, shine your really lame flip-phone at the stairs," Eren commanded.

Jean mumbled something about asphyxiation as he shone the light from his really lame flip-phone.

"Higher."

Jean told Eren to do something that was physically impossible and immoral, but he obeyed.

The water only shot up about 4 feet, slapping the top of the pool cover before cascading down to the floor. There was a tiny gap made between the water and the cover every few seconds, because the flow of that water wasn't consistent.

"You see? We have a chance! Now someone go and jump through!" Eren was ecstatic.

No one who had a self-preservation instinct volunteered, which was everyone.

"Armin? Mikasa?" Eren threw his two most treasured friends under the bus.

His friends were strangely silent.

"Uh, Krista? Aren't you kind and self-sacrificing and stuff?" Eren tried again.

"Goddammit, you fucking idiot. Just do it yourself!"

Ymir grabbed Eren by the back of his shirt and threw him in the general direction of the stairs. Eren wailed as he flew in the darkness. Water enveloped him for a fraction of a second, and Eren thought, _'This is the moment where I die.' _

But he kept going, until his head slammed into something. He sucked in a breath and curled into the fetal position, cradling his head.

"Eren you dead yet?" Jean called.

Eren cried something in response.

"Damn, so close. Well, while your there you might as well find a way to get the pool covering undone. The water is up to my knees, but that might be because Connie is crying about his shoes."

Eren understood something in that second. Multiple somethings, actually.

1.) Everyone besides him was weak and pathetic.

2.) He had no real way of getting the cover off, it could only be opened from the outside.

3.) The Titans were probably still out there and would kick his ass anyway.

4.) Eren was_ done_ with his classmates.

"Fuck you! Who cares what you say?" Eren shouted as he bolted up. "I will-"

He forgot that the covering was above him, and it ripped like a piece of paper around his body. When he fully stood up, Eren could clearly see the prone bodies of the three Titans.

"...kill you."

* * *

***Arrives to update three days late with a chapter.***

**Sorry guys, writers block. This was hard to write. So hard, you have no idea. The best I can describe it is like crawling over a giant stone wall with bricks tied around your ankles. **

**Sorry for bad quality, but I just want to be done with this part. **

**Okay another thing, I have tons of reads but very people message me. And i want to know all of you. So if you want to talk to me, go to my tumblr which is exactly like my username, or put in a review. You can tell me anything, idc. Your name/username or random facts about you or other stuff. **

**So, ciao~**


	7. The Chapter In Which Levi is a Stalker

**Thanks to all of you who reviewed! Nothing parkour-relevant to say about this chapter, so don't worry bout that.**

* * *

Never before has Hanji done something so scandalous. Hiding in the closet attached to the Principal's office, with a video camera, wasn't something she'd normally do. But Rivaille's orders were orders, after all. And this would also give her a chance to view her specimens in a tense situation. Muffling an excited chuckle, she opened the door just a little bit more.

"So, what you are saying is, students from Titan Reform School trespassed on school property and attacked you?" The Principal could've done more to hid his skepticism.

Sasha Braus nodded, nervously chewing on a cookie. It was obvious that Sasha had no idea why _she,_ of all people, was being questioned.

"They filled the pool and covered the top, with you all inside?"

She nodded, eyes shifting suspiciously around.

"And your entire class decided to work together to find a solution. With zero panic."

Sasha quickly remembered the cover story they all developed together.

"We quickly tried to think of a solution, once we realized what was happening. Everyone was calm and collected. We worked together. Jean Kir-something used his phone to find the exit, but it was blocked. And then Ymir Something threw Eren Jagger-something so he could get us out. And that's what happened, exactly," Sasha said as seriously as she could.

If anything, she was just glad she remembered what to say. Reiner's Tell-the-truth-but-better explanation wasn't very good. It mostly consisted of him blushing, avoiding looking at Bert, and making her swear not to mention him. Mikasa also gave her a murderous look and made Sasha promise not to tell a certain thing.

God, her friends were weird.

"Is that all?" The lymphatic principal said, pinning her with a rotten look.

"Yes."

"Alright, dismissed. I'll discuss the punishment later," he said, waving her off.

"P-punishment?"

"You didn't think you could get away with destroying the pool cover, did you? Now out!"

When Sasha stumbled out of the room, Hanji retreated further into the closet. Things were getting interesting.

* * *

"Alright, you fuckers! I've been told to go easy on you maggots because of the recent events! Like hell that's happening! We are going to read about the reproductive organs in our body so we can get Health done! Open to page three hundred eight! Connie, begin!"

Connie tried not to smile as he read the page. "The scrotum, heh, is the-"

Mr. Shadis walked over and calmly slammed Connie's face through the desk. Connie's muffled shrieks of pain echoed through the dead-silent class.

"Someone, read it again. Laugh and I'll kill you."

_'I'm going to die,' _thought everyone besides Eren and Mikasa.

Eren was thinking about- surprise, surprise - the Titans from earlier. Particularly about how they were unconscious when he finally got out.

_'Why were they asleep? Did someone knock them out?' _Eren chewed on his thumbnail. _'No, that can't be possible. I'm the strongest person in this school and even I couldn't beat them!' _It was Eren's unbiased opinion that he was the most powerful person in existence.

Mikasa lovingly watched Eren out of the corner of her eyes. _'He must be thinking how scared he was,' _Mikasa decided. _'It's okay to be scared, Eren.' _

She then noticed something that made her blood freeze.

Standing calmly in the corner of the room, was _that guy_. The bus driver. And he was wearing a_ school uniform_ underneath his green jacket.

_'What are you doing here?! Are you a student or a bus driver?!' _Mikasa mentally screamed.

Mr. Shadis noticed him, but didn't do anything. The young man continued standing in the dark corner, looking at Mikasa's innocent classmates with his predator eyes. Mikasa looked away before he could catch her staring.

_'W-what is this?' _

Rivaille languidly followed his target to the next class, always staying just out of sight. Eren Jaeger didn't even notice Rivaille slide into the desk behind him. The teacher saw and raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. She wrote on the board the English assignment, which was, _Three Things I Regret Doing. _

Jaegar immediately wrote, _I regret not being able to protect my mother. _

Rivaille mentally sighed. Not another sad back story.

_2.) I regret not avenging my mother._

Okay Eren, we get that something horrible happened and you were too much of a pussy to stop it.

_3.) I want to eradicate the Titans!_

The last one wasn't even a regret, but it peaked Rivaille's interests.

_'We might just have something,' _he thought.

Mikasa was acutely aware of the young man. He tailed Eren the rest of the day, his ambient eyes always on him. Eren didn't notice at all, so it got to the point where Rivaille didn't even bother to hide himself. Mikasa couldn't speak up, because Eren would probably flip out if he recognized the stalker, so she suffered in silence.

_'All I have to do is get Eren away from him, and then I can make my move,' _Mikasa thought.

During lunch, unaware of the heated gaze coming from across the room, Eren stood up and excused himself to the bathroom.

Mikasa tried to follow him.

"Uhm, Mikasa, I have to go in the boy's restroom, and there are urinals, so..." Eren awkwardly explained.

It's not like Mikasa hasn't seen it before, but she acknowledged that it was socially unacceptable for her to hover over Eren while he peed. The redundant things they must do to fit in society were a hassle.

"I understand." She sat down.

"Uh, okay." Eren hurriedly left.

Mikasa decided that the young man probably wouldn't follow Eren. In the bathroom, he was sure to get noticed. She looked across the lunchroom to where the stalker had been before.

He was gone.

Eren felt like someone was watching him.

The bathroom was empty, though. Twisting his neck around, Eren made double-sure. Nothing but the toilet stalls.

Rivialle ducked down his head. Seems like the damned brat is finally catching on. Rivaille's legs hurt from pushing against the walls of the toilet stalls, and it hurt his pride a bit to not be able to see over the wall, even if he stood on the toilet.

But it would be worth it in the end. They were one step closer to getting Irvin back.

* * *

**Oh wow how short. Sorry. **

**Important question! **

**What character (besides Rivaille) would you want to see more of in the story? **


	8. Heterosexual Dancing

"All in favor, raise your hand."

Five hands went up.

Rivaille leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, thinking. His face was carefully blank as always.

Hanji squirmed in her seat, excited about all of the _human experimentation_ that was coming in the foreseeable future. She had already planned her tests and had a line of hypothesises ready.

_'This is going to be so much fun! I love humans!' _

"Okay, course of action agreed. All we need to do is decide which brats are less likely to have the shit beat out of them," Rivaille said.

Petra internally sighed at the sight of Rivaille's dead-pan voice. His handsome, sexy voice that brought butterflies to her stomach. Heichou was just so amazing, so powerful, so _awesome_. The murderous look on his face as he takes down Titans again and again, with nothing but his crowbar and years of street fighting to empower him. His large forehead and deep-set eyes blended in with his cool expression made him seem like a powerful predator going in for the kill.

Devastatingly beautiful, that was what Heichou was. Petra felt like she was staring deep into the eye of a hurricane, that's how much he took her breath away. Heichou was a natural disaster that-

"Petra, you're drooling," Auruo whispered, snickering.

Petra 'eep'-ed and quickly wiped her mouth. Luckily, her beloved didn't see. In fact, he was looking at a picture with a deep expression on his face.

Wait.

Picture.

Deep expression.

Picture + Deep expression = He's looking at someone important.

Someone important to Rivaille? The Recon Corps were the only people he even_ talked_ to. So who could it be?

_'Maybe a family member? But no, his family died in a tragic back-story that could take an entire chapter to reiterate. And he wouldn't be looking at something so personal in front of us. So could it be...?'_

Petra didn't dare finish the thought.

Rivaille tucked the picture back into his pants and continued. "So, we are ruining the lives of: Bertholdt, Reiner, Ymir, Christa, Sasha, Jean,

Connie, Annie, and Marco,. Any reason why you didn't include last names?"

"I barely remembered their first fucking names, what makes you think I care enough to find out their last? Just call them Johnson, a good English name, even though I'm guessing most of them flew in from some God-forsaken European country. What kind of name is Ymir anyway? Bertholdt? How the hell do you even pronounce-"

"Thank you, Urd," Rivaille cut off his second-in-command.

Gunter cleared his throat. "What about Eren Jaegar and his friends?"

Auruo stroked his chin, pretending to be thinking deeply. "Well, Mikasa seems like a badass but Eren and Arm-whatever seem like girls."

Petra stabbed Auruo with a pencil for using "girls" as an insult. Auruo let a low-pitched whine and silently cried in agony.

Rivaille shook his head. "Eren is definitely not a girl. But I can't say the same for the blonde-haired one. It's been almost a week and I still don't know."

"So we add them too?" Hanji said a little too eagerly.

"Yeah."

"Great! How do we recruit them?"

"I say we tell them the situation and ask nicely," Petra volunteered, trying desperately to look as cute and kind as possible.

"And if they say no, we force them to," Urd contributed.

"That will take too much time. We will skip the asking and just take the damn brats to a secure location where they can't leave without us." Rivaille turned his chair around, a glaring signal that the meeting was adjourned.

Hanji skipped and twirled her way out of the room.

"Wee! Human test subjects! Yay!"

* * *

On her way to Algebra, Sasha stopped dead in her tracks. People bumped into her and complained, but they eventually went on their way. Marco stopped too, a worried look on his face.

"Something wrong, Sasha?" he asked timidly.

Sasha wore a serious expression. "Bread."

"W-what?"

"I smell..." Sasha trailed off, her nose twitching.

"Smell what?"

"Bread... freshly baked bread..."

Marco laughed nervously. "It's just from the cafeteria. We should hurry before we are-"

The bell went off.

"-late."

Marco felt like he was trapped in a falling elevator when he remembered that his next class was with_ Mr. Shadis. _Marco knew the teacher would do something awful to him in the name of sex-ed.

"Sasha, we have to-" He turned and-

His friend was gone. Nothing was there in the space she was standing just a second ago.

Marco was suddenly painfully aware of that the hallway was empty. The only sound was his haggard breathing and his volatile heartbeat.

"S-Sasha?"

A scream echoed down the hall.

"Sasha!" Marco raced to the source.

He rounded a corner and screeched to a halt.

Through the holes in a net, Sasha smiled at him with bread in her mouth.

"B-bread..."

.

.

.

Connie threw a pebble at the ground and sighed. Jean took one look at his friend's disheartened face and pretended his didn't notice. He was already skipping sex-ed. He didn't need any more problems.

Connie sneaked a glance at Jean. The bastard wasn't even looking his way!

_'Come on, man. I need help! But if I ask for it, I'll seem really lame. Just freakin' ask me what's the matter!' _Connie screamed in his mind.

Connie sighed again, loudly. Jean felt the boy's gaze burning a hole into the back of his head.

_'Connie, please stop sighing. I only came here so YOU can ask me what's wrong!' _Jean began sweating.

"Life sucks," Jean said, his voice reflecting all of the pain a 15-year old middle-classed teenager living in a first-world country could have.

Connie's eyes widened. _'He wants to complain to me, too?! But I don't care about his problems!' _

Jean saw the fear in Connie's eyes and smirked. Little did Connie know, if Jean out-right said what was on his mind, Connie would HAVE to assist him. Such is the design of the disguise of friendship they both wore.

"Connie, I need some help, man," Jean said, looking out at the clear blue sky.

Connie felt shock run down him.

_'I'm trapped!' _

Connie could then see the threads that Jean had wove around him. Within three days, Jean had completely captured Connie in a spider's web called _mutual friendship. _

_'I can't lose here,' _Connie thought. _'I've gotten too far to fall here!'_

"Does it have to do with your rivalry with Eren? You two are like CVS and Walgreens, I swear. Actually, I have a problem that involves Walgreens, and I really need your help."

And the ball was back in Jean's court.

_'He's so selfish! He pretended to be so dense that he didn't understand that I was asking him!' _Jean roared in his mind.

"What's in Walgreens? Black-haired girls called Mikasa who don't give you the time of day?"

Connie twitched at the over-specificness of Jean's answer.

_'I can always pretend I don't get what he's alluding to.'_

"Well I-"

"Will you bitch-ass pussies just fucking kiss each other already?"

That was the last thing Jean and Connie heard before they fainted.

.

.

"Ymir, we really shouldn't be skipping class!" Christa freeted as she tried to keep up with Ymir's fast pace.

"Relax, Shadis can't do anything too bad to us 'cos we're girls. And besides, do you really want to hear about the menstrual cycle?"

"W-well, no, but-"

"And we already know about that stuff anyways. No problem."

Christa looked up at her new friend with doubt. "But we're on the roof, and people might get the wrong idea."

Ymir smiled down at her. "Don't worry." _Because they will get the right idea, _she added silently.

Christa frowned a bit and looked down at her shoes. Ymir felt the awkwardness of the situation and devised a plan.

"Hey, I have an idea. Come over here." Ymir beckoned her forward with a finger.

Christa hesitated, but did as Ymir said. When she was close enough, Ymir enveloped her in a hug and spun around.

Christa felt her face go hot but was glad Ymir wasn't as they danced around.

_'This is normal, right? Friends do this with each other, right?' _

The empty roof was their ballroom, and Christa could practically imagine the lavish dresses they would wear. Christa would wear a white, frilly dress with pale lilies in her hair, and Ymir would probably be wearing a striking dark dress with slits on the side.

Ymir looked down at Christa and saw happiness shining in her blue eyes.

_'I think I'm in love.'_

And then the moe moment was cut short. Christa felt something bump into her back, and when she turned around-

Reiner and Bertholdt blinked back. They were also in a dance pose, also a little too close together, and also looked really, really gay.

A gust of wind blew past them, the only noise in the painfully awkward moment. Nobody moved, locked in mid-dancing, staring at each other.

"What are you guys doing?" Ymir finally hissed, annoyed that their moment was ruined.

"What are_ we_ doing? What are you doing!" Reiner shot back.

"We are engaging in a heterosexual dance, as you can see. All girls do this," Ymir said.

"B-boys do this too!" Bert said.

"Then why do you have a boner?"

"Gah!" Bert broke away from Reiner to hide the offending appendage.

Ymir laughed until tears came into her eyes and Christa furiously blushed.

There was the distinct click of a photo being taken.

"Humans are so interesting! I've been here in plain sight for ten minutes and they didn't even notice! And all of these pictures are just _fascinating_! It would be a shame if these pictures were to circulate. But that doesn't have to happen, as long as you all come quietly!"

_._

_._

Armin glanced around the empty classroom.

"No one is here," he said, stating the obvious.

"Mr. Shadis isn't here either," Mikasa added.

"Who cares? I can finally share with Armin about my master plan to annihilate the Titans in one swoop!" Eren said.

Armin really, really didn't want to hear that. He silently begged Mikasa to save him.

She didn't disappoint. "Eren, there's something I want to say. It's been on my mind for a while now, and I feel like now is the right time?"

"Fine, but please be quick. It will take thirty minutes at least to explain my plan."

Mikasa took Eren's hand in hers and said, "Eren I-"

A flying projectile slammed into Mikasa's face and she fell back into her chair.

"Tch. Annoying brats."

* * *

**Look at all of that shipping. And awkward teenager stuff. Man isn't life good. **

**So yeah, sorry about no chapter last week, my bad. And also sorry for this awkward transition chapter, where nothing really happens, but I tried to make it funny. Next chapter will be a big one though!**

**Question of the Chapter: What's your OTP? (Answer in review or PM)**


	9. 65

**My computer's been acting in a way that makes it almost impossible to write, and I'm being forced to use an on-screen keyboard. I probably wouldn't have written this if not for the outrageous amount of views this gets *sweats nervously*. **

* * *

Sometimes, Armin didn't even know why he bothered being surprised anymore. He knew this would happen. He just didn't believe it, for good reason too. And it was a troubling thing to be extremely smart (he refused to call himself a 'genius'), because he noticed a lot more than other people.

Armin was certainly capable of simple deductions, and it went like this:

**1. The Recon Corps fight the Titans. **

They are strong, they have a strategy, and they are ruthless.

**2. The Recon Corps have captured his classmates.**

They want something from them. They have a means to get it.

**3. The Recon Corps have very few members.**

They want Armin and his classmates to join them. And their job is probably incredibly dangerous.

Armin had the misfortune to understand this before he could be effectively schmoozed by the nice PowerPoint some girl named Hanji was showing. The PowerPoint showed happy teenagers doing parkour, hanging out together, doing parkour, bowling, camping, and doing parkour.

Associate a new idea with good experiences, a very clever marketing strategy?. But, in Armin's opinion, it would have worked a lot better had they not be tied to classroom chairs and held against their will. And the absolute evil-looking boy guarding the door was kind of distracting.

The smart people -Armin, Ymir, Marco- were totally silent, probably trying to figure a way out of the situation.

Jean mentally saluted their bravery. Trying to think through a situation, and then having to deal with the absolute certainty that there's no hope, took guts. But he would stick with mindless faith.

"As you can see here, doing parkour will make you happy, live longer, and get all of the girls. Or boys," Hanji said, looking at Bert.

Jean smirked and closed his eyes. He's seen better persuasion from an infomercial. There's no way his classmates would-

"Huh?! Really?!" Connie gasped, his eyes wide in awe.

_'Connie you idiot!' _half of the room thought simultaneously.

"Will there be free food?"

"Will we get to annihilate Titans?!"

"Will we get to help people and make them think we are a really generous and kind person, so they'll miss us when we're gone?"

"Will our friends be in great danger so I can repeatedly save them until they eventually fall in love with me?"

_'I don't know you people. I've never seen you in my life,' _Jean thought to himself.

"Uh, yes?" Hanji said.

4/11 poor, young and impressionable children sold.

_'Sasha and Eren, that's not surprising. But Christa and Mikasa?' _Jean mentally face-palmed.

Ymir glanced at Christa out of the corner of her eyes and nodded.

"Sure, but you people are pretty pathetic, to be scamming children into an organization."

5/11. How horrible and merciless was this world? People had to join sketchy groups just to make their gay romance work. There couldn't possibly be a universe more cruel than this one.

Armin, of course, understood exactly what was going on. But he didn't want to be left behind by Eren and Mikasa.

Intellect was no match for a weak will and a sad yearning.

"I-I'll join too!"

6/11.

Eren turned around grinned at Armin. "You, me and Mikasa together! Let's do this!"

Jean was really starting to hate his life.

_'No, you must stay strong!'_

Marco scratched the back of his head. "Well, if everyone's doing it, I will too."

6.5/11.

* * *

**HAD TO CUT THIS SHORT BECAUSE SOMETHING CAME UP**

**SORRYYY**

**WILL MAKE A PART 2 OR A REALLY LONG CHAPTER NINE OKAY DONT KILL ME**


End file.
